My vision for this blog is that it be a source of hope for the wounded, a word of life to the dying, an armory of spiritual weapons for the soldiers of light, and above all a conduit of the neverending love of God for you.
I fear that in the Western culture, very often the Gospel is stripped of it's "goodness" and we as a result lose a sense of just how good it is. What I mean is this: the word "Gospel" literally means "Good News" or "Good Story". This doesn't just mean that it is news that isn't bad, but rather news that is absolutely and utterly good, news that should cause you to smile and laugh with excitement and joy even to the point of tears.
You should be so happy because the news presented in the Old Testament is and always has been primarily, that we are sinners, we once had it good and had a good relationship with God but we lost it, and we are rebellious enemies of the Most High. However, God had enough of it, He saw our suffering, and He decided to do something about it: GOD became Man. As Christ, God came to show us the Way, which is Jesus, the only way to Heaven. God came to teach us the Truth, that we are not alone, never beyond hope, and that He loves us. God shined His Light into our dark, fallen world so we could see His face and come home. You are SO LOVED!! Also, this blog post kind of reminded me of this video. (Warning: this video is extremely encouraging, uplifting, and above all: true. Before watching videos of this nature please prepare your ears for truth, your eyes for tears, and your heart for worship.)
It all started one night, my mind racing and thoughts flowing. I couldn't stop thinking! Even though my body was physically exhausted i just couldn't fall asleep. I tried and tried, then 6 hours later after feeling like a zombie i gave up. I guess sleep just wasn't for me. After one week of this, i thought: "too much sugar" :P. After two weeks, maybe it was stress. But the third week is when my life changed. I had my first severe panic attack that debilitated and left me extremely anxiety-ridden for the next several days. I now knew something was very very wrong. But to the extent I did not know, and if I did know, I would have buckled in, and held a little tighter in preparation for the bumpy road that lay ahead the next two months. Time went on, and the attacks got worse and more frequent. They came at random, and I had absolutely no control over them. Now these attacks are something else. When they happen I feel like the world is ending and I can't stop it. My heart races and I can barely breath. It feels like at any moment I could pass out. Sometimes they'll last for 5 minutes, sometimes they'll last for 5 hours, but regardless, it absolutely drains me and terrifies me. Couple that with little to no sleep each night, I was a piping hot mess. But the attacks were the easy part, what really did a number on me was the way I felt afterward. Most of the time for several days in a row life was a blur. I couldn't focus on anything. I couldn't think straight or even complete a single thought. Life felt like a dream that made no sense and I couldn't wake up. I struggled to grasp reality and I couldn't connect with anything all. I felt like I was losing my mind. I wanted to cry, but there were no tears left. I wanted to sleep, but there was no rest. I wanted to give up, but that was not an option. These last two months have been hell. Every waking moment has been a struggle. But it has been bearable, because I haven't been alone. If it weren't for my friends and family, I'd still be laying in that bed, trying to fall asleep. Some friends were there to remind me that "everything is going to be alright". Some were there to listen to me. And some were there to offer a shoulder to cry on. But all of them were there to remind me that no matter what happens in life, no matter the dark valley we go through, and even when all hope is lost, God has a plan because HE LOVES US! He will never forsake us. Truthfully, I still do struggle with these things, and they are getting worse. I don't know what the future holds or how these attacks will progress, and I don't know the next step I'm supposed to take, I just know I have to take one. Just because I'm scared and things are hard doesn't mean I give up. It means I have to cling to God right now more than ever, because He is the ONLY One who can get me through this. I write this for anyone who is struggling. Whether it's insomnia, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, addiction, fear, pain, a dirty past, a scary future, loss of a loved one, or a debilitating injury or disease. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You have many people, who are going through this stuff with you. You have people who care for you and are praying for you even if you don't realize it. And most importantly, you have God. He's never going to abandon you. He's never going to let you go. He's never going to deny you a shoulder to cry on. And He is never going to be indifferent about your tears. He loves you. He will cry with you. He will get you through this. Dont give up. Press on and look to God. God bless you all! Much love, Tom
This is war. You cannot give up or let up for a second. You must continue on and drive forward. You have to be taking ground at all times or else you will be losing ground to the enemy. You must be vigilant, prepared, and able to face any challenge that may present itself. I must warn you however, your enemy is not out for revenge, he is purely blood-thirsty and seeks your destruction. If you become lax, slowed, or distracted for a single moment, you have already lost that battle. Your enemy is like a lion, and when you let up, he pounces (1 Peter 5:8). Welcome to the war, welcome to the Christian life.
I write this not to scare anybody, but rather to warn those who enter the arena of truth and eternity. It is rough, and the battle is hard, but it is all worth it. Think about it, you have been personally selected by the Creator of the universe to bear His Image (Genesis 1:27), been chosen by the King of all Kings to represent Him (2 Corinthians 5:20), and commissioned by the only One to ever defeat death to go and show others that 'impossible' is not a word (Mark 16:15-18). So go forth, and take ground for your God. You are not alone in the fight. You have fellow Christians fighting alongside you. But more importantly, He is with you and He will "never forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6).
